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Personal and Ongoing

This is the post excerpt.

Today is the start of a new season. Growth and maturity are personal and ongoing journeys that we have to learn from different experiences. We are not the same people that we were yesterday.  Sometimes I wish that I could go back in time and make better choices, especially if I was able to access the knowledge and experiences that I have now.

I know that I am extremely hypersensitive to everything emotionally. I constantly need to take myself out of a situation, in order to process it and literally calm myself down. Everyone is different and deals with the same situations in their own way.  My way consists of writing my thoughts down, whether it is in prose or as a diary entry. I also tend to write lyrics and songs, as a way of self expression.

I guess that you’ve figured out that I am an introvert.  I don’t like being a part of big groups or chatting to people I don’t know.  Ironically,  I have to be outgoing on a daily basis – I belong to a big pentecostal church (I am a part of the Worship and Kids Ministry Teams), as well as, working as a Nursery Nurse.

It’s really hard, especially when I am feeling a bit down. In those moments, I try to be optimistic,  and I pretend that I am the bold version of myself.  And that is usually when the ones who know me best, will see through my mask and attempt to find out exactly what is going on.

We are all very complex beings, but it’s not hard to be a friend.  It’s harder to trust someone again after they have betrayed you, or someone you know.  Forgiveness and love go hand in hand.  We have to remember that we will be judged in the same way that we judge others.  And that is the lesson that I am currently trying to learn and gain knowledge from.

 

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If You Say Go

If You Say Go

For as long as I can remember, I have tried to follow God’s leading.

When He asked me to wait, when most of my family moved to the UK, I waited. I hated being away from them, and everything they were experiencing, that I was missing out on, but I waited.

When, after 5 years of waiting, maturing, growing (not in height, obviously), He said that I could go, and be with my family…I went. I was uprooted from the comfortable and awesome garden of my home,  and was planted into a garden, where everything was literally unknown to me. I’m so glad that I made the move though. 

I had to find a new job (where my previous work experiences were null and void, because things were done differently here.), a new church, new friends, new everything. For me, it helped that my sister and her husband, as well as my mom, went to a church already. I began attending that Church, and was introduced to Jackie Lloyd, who helped open a door at my current place of employment  (I’ve been there for 7 years now!). I was introduced to Graeme Baldwin, who got me involved in the Kid’s Ministry. My sister, and brother in law encouraged me to join the worship team…I’ve been a member of both ministries up until now.

I can’t describe how grateful I am, that I was a part of those ministries. I’ve grown and experienced so much, and I am a better person because of it.

For the past two years, it has been laid on my heart to close this chapter of my life, so that I can move on to the next exciting chapter.

God has told me to,”Go.”   When He says go, I need to go. I’ve been praying and seeking His face more over the last two years, regarding this, and now is the time to move on.

To all of my friends at CPC, as much as I need to leave, I will miss you all. I won’t be far away, but I hope that we can all connect in other ways. If I lose friends because of this move, then so be it, but I hold you all dear, and close to my heart. I won’t be falling off of the face of the earth, but I just won’t be with you every Sunday.  I pray that we will serve and collaborate, to give God the glory, one day soon.  You have all had a huge impact on my life, and I am blessed because I know you. Don’t be a stranger! I am on Facebook  and WhatsApp. (You can message me on fb for my number).

Be blessed, and always remain in Him, as He remains in you.

Keep it real

Everyone knows someone who they think probably leads the perfect life. Nobody is perfect,  and if they try to make you believe that they are, then they are just fooling themselves.

We are all perfectly imperfect works in progress.  Likewise,  we can’t be expected to like everyone… I know that I definitely don’t. 

As a Christian,  I still have to choose to love people who I don’t necessarily like. I can still try to be nice to someone,  who I feel has betrayed my (or my family’s)  trust…the operative word being “Nice”. 

This is an area that I am struggling with at the moment.  I struggle to trust in general.  Now, I have to continue to trust someone, whose deception I can see right through? 

I can choose to love them,  but it’s even harder to trust them. I know that l’m not the only one dealing with this, right?

I know that there are many sides to every story, but what about your gut feeling?  What if your intuition is telling you that something isn’t right, but up until now,  you’ve had to keep your mouth shut in order to keep the peace?

I struggle to express how I feel verbally,  so I tend to think about everything a bit too much. By the time I have thought things through,  the season to speak up has passed. I admit that I am extremely hypersensitive, so my emotions take over far too often.  When I am convinced of something,  then no one can change my mind…I am just that stubborn. Or, so I think…

I will go from one extreme to the next: one moment I will be 100% sure of myself,  then someone close to me, will speak to me (in a tone of voice that has a drop of condemnation dripping from it), and I will feel victimised.  It’s not intentional,  I’m just wired that way.

I know how annoying it is, for someone to appear perfect,  but no one is. We all have our own struggles and insecurities; our own victories over areas that only we know about. No one is as two dimensional as they appear. We all have certain triggers that cause us to react in specific ways to everything we go through. 

Which brings me to GRACE.

I might not like someone or want to be friends with them on Facebook (I don’t like sharing something so personal with someone I don’t trust), but I will be genuinely courteous and polite to them when I see them.

I might not always succeed in this area, but I will never pretend that I have truly perfected my actions and intentions either. We are not perfect,  and it’s time that we start treating each other with agape love and respect,  instead of pretending that we are flawless.

I do apologise if my thoughts are a bit muddled, but at least you can now understand why I choose to say the words I do sometimes.  

Be blessed.

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